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Understanding behavior, whether at home or in the community, can feel overwhelming, but it all boils down to one simple fact: behavior is just any measurable action. In this blog post, Sally Schwartzel, Lower School Principal at The Westview School, shares practical strategies for managing behavior by focusing on what we can control—our own actions. From offering choices to teaching replacement behaviors, these insights help parents create more positive interactions with their children. This post was adapted from her presentation for September WestviewEDU.

Behavior:  It Is What It Is

When thinking about behavior in the home and community, there are many topics to cover – everything from self-help skills to attending a group function with peers.  However, this wide range of topics can all be addressed by looking at behavior for what it is.  It’s just behavior! Behavior is any measurable, observable action.  Behavior is anything from waving hello to someone to hitting a friend. 

The most important thing to remember is that we cannot change the behavior of others.  This can be SUPER frustrating!  BUT, there are things that we can change. Changing what we are doing, in turn, will change the behaviors of others.  To figure out what to do before or after, we need to know “Why” the behavior is occurring.  The “Why” is also called the “function” of the behavior.  Don’t worry – there are only two main reasons why behaviors occur.  PSA: This applies to all people, not just our kids.  All of us exhibit behaviors (positive or negative) because we obtain or escape something.  Many times, we work for a paycheck (obtain).  We also push the snooze button on an alarm – to escape the noise… and the waking up part!  To change behavior, we have to change what happens before or after it happens – which is something we can control.

Changing the Before and After

So, what can we do before a behavior happens to prevent it?  My favorite is offering a choice – with a catch. The choice isn’t “Are you ready to do your homework?”  The choice is “Do you want to do your homework now?  Or do you want to do your homework in 5 minutes?”  This gives the option to make that choice - but within your parameters.  My second biggest recommendation is to frontload expectations.  Give your kids a visual schedule or a checklist.  Set up a routine.  The more our kids know what to expect, the fewer surprises for everyone involved!  Think about what a “to-do” list does for you... the schedule/checklist is their “to-do” list!

What about after a behavior occurs?  If a person is still exhibiting a behavior, they are either obtaining or escaping something.  For example, if a child throws a tantrum in line at the grocery for a candy bar and gets a candy bar, next time, it’s really likely that the child will throw a tantrum again.  If a child rips up their homework and doesn’t have to complete it, it will likely get ripped up again.  To break that pattern, we need to change what happens after.  We can power through the line at the grocery store with the child kicking and screaming.  We could have extra copies of the homework or ask for a laminated copy that can’t be ripped.  Seems easy enough, right?  WRONG.  Sometimes, the tantrum in the line in the grocery store is too big.  Sometimes, the ripping of homework after a long day is the final straw at the end of a really long day.  The missing piece is teaching our kids what to do instead of the challenging behavior.

Teaching Replacement Behaviors

The “what to do instead” is called a replacement behavior.  Replacement behaviors get our kids what they want (or don’t want) in a more appropriate way.  If we set the expectation at the grocery store as “If you do not throw a tantrum and you ask for a candy bar,” you will get it.  If, during homework time, the expectation is that the child can ask for a break or ask for help, that is a much better behavior than ripping it up. 
You’re probably thinking, “So I have to let my child get a candy bar every time?  Or let them not do their homework?”  The answer is… well, kind of.  This is only in the beginning while you are teaching those replacement behaviors.  Once the child learns they do not need to exhibit those inappropriate behaviors, you can start taking steps back or fading support.  For example, the new expectation is “If you do not _____, you can get a snack this time in the line and a candy bar next time.”  The expectation can be set at the beginning of the grocery store trip that a candy bar isn’t an option this time, but these three different yummy snacks can be asked for.  When it comes to homework, maybe the child needs to write their name on the homework before asking for a break.  If the child learns to ask for help, maybe you give them the answer to the first part and then have them complete the rest on their own. 

Simple Long-Term Tips for Success

Behavior is so easy and so complicated at the same time.  The best advice I can give (learning from different parents throughout the years) is to do what you must to keep your sanity.  Tip for doing that and still working behavior to your advantage?  Having your child comply with the tiniest directive before giving them a preferred item or activity will save your life in the future.  I have had some parents, in order to keep their sanity, have their child simply push in a chair, clear a dish, etc. before iPad time.  It seems so small, but it will really help out in the future!

Sally Schwartzel is the Lower School Principal at The Westview School. She brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to The Westview School, having worked for over 18 years in Katy ISD as a special education teacher in specialized autism programs and then as a leader at the district level for autism and behavioral programming. She holds a Master’s Degree in Special Education with a focus on Autism and Developmental Disabilities from The University of Texas. She is a Certified Teacher and a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. She has co-authored and co-presented on relevant topics such as Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports and Autism Support and Intervention Program. 

This blog post was adapted from the presentation given during WestviewEDU on Thursday, September 5, 2024. WestviewEDU is an education series presented by The Westview School for parents and caregivers of children with autism spectrum disorder. For a full list of WestviewEDU sessions for the 2024/2025 academic calendar year, visit The Westview School online.